Sharing the Struggles

Blog 23 – 2.6 Challenge – 26 blog posts over 26 days…

I have been visually impaired for as long as I can remember. It has been 13 years since I had useful vision. Useful vision being the ability to see shapes, colours and print with the aid of a CCTV magnifier. It has been even longer since I could read print unaided, play sports such as netball and tennis, function like a fully sighted person. Today marks the beginning of mental health week. Generally I don’t mind being blind. I have adapted and lead a fulfilling life. However, losing my vision throughout my childhood was hard. I didn’t just lose my sight, I lost my confidence, friendships and identity. If I still had good partial vision I wouldn’t be the same person I am today. My sight loss has caused me to become a version of myself that I never planned on being.

Do I miss having sight? In all honesty I do every single day. There is always something I want a quick glimpse of from knowing what a tinned can is in the cupboard to watching the boys playing tug. I wish I knew what my partner looked like, I wish I could see all of those silly memes and gifs. I wish every second of everyday wasn’t so difficult. The level of concentration needed to pour a cup of tea or the extra effort needed to find something on a table can be draining. People don’t see the little struggles because I have learnt to get on with life, present myself as capable and confident. I believe human nature forces us to hide our weaknesses. Yet we shouldn’t be afraid to share our imperfections. Whilst I portray positivity within my blog posts, I hope people recognise and appreciate that I don’t shy away from writing about the difficulties of sight loss too.

For years I convinced myself that being blind wasn’t forever. There would be a cure. I would regain vision again. I lived in denial. I’m not sure exactly when it happened, when I started to accept my blindness. It was probably a combination of factors from taking athletics seriously where my sight loss was irrelevant to mixing with other visually impaired people. Other people who had experienced sight loss, visually impaired people that acted as sub-conscious role models to me who demonstrated that being blind doesn’t stop you from living.

I accept that I can’t see. I accept that the simplest of tasks can prove quite the challenge. Being blind causes me stress and anxiety on a daily basis. I can’t wave a magic wand to fix my vision. What I can do is not let my lack of vision control me. I control it. I take on the testing situations and applaud my achievements. Sometimes I fail and consider defeat. Then I take a deep breath and vow to try again.

If you are struggling with your mental health please don’t feel embarrassed or scared to seek support.

I am taking part in the 2.6 Challenge to help save our UK charities. If you enjoyed my blog post or are feeling generous please consider donating as little as £1 to support my chosen charities: The Norrie Disease Foundation, Guide Dogs for the Blind, Look UK, RNIB and Girl Guiding UK. You can find my fundraising page by clicking here

Thank you and stay safe x