The majority of the following was drafted back in April when it was all fresh in my mind. I have found it hard to come back and finish the post but knew it needed to be written and published so I can commemorate Calvin. I have been quite detailed as it is important for me to remember Calvin’s final days. I would recommend skimming through some parts.
Perhaps one of the saddest blog posts I will ever have to write. My beautiful, gorgeous, funny, loving, mischievous, forever hungry and happy Calvin passed away on Friday 16 April at 3:24am. He was 13 years and 4 weeks old. I always knew the day would come and dreaded it for years. Still I wasn’t prepared for the speed it happened.
I’m going to be honest. A couple of weeks prior to his death it was suspected that Calvin had picked up some weed on our walk. It might have been in the foil I prised from his mouth on the way to the park or it could have been at the park itself. I only realised something was amiss when I went to give him dinner. He knocked his Kong wobbler a couple of times with his paw but then gave up. I transferred the food to a bowl which he ate very tentatively. I then went to check on him when he swayed in my arms before collapsing to the ground. At that point I thought that was it, he was gone. He had to be carried into the car and upon arriving at the vets they diagnosed his stoned condition. He spent a night in the vet hospital but seemed in good spirits on his return. I was beyond mortified yet so relieved that this wasn’t it. Little did I know it was the warm up for what was to come.
Calvin returned from hospital on Easter Saturday. On Easter Monday he couldn’t get up the stairs prior to bed. He had slipped on the stairs a little earlier in the day so I suspected he might have injured himself. Nevertheless he just kept trying, not making it further than the first step. He was getting really distressed. I came and sat with him downstairs for a while and he went to his bed in the living room. I thought he was settled but as soon as I got up to return to bed he began trying the stairs again. In the end I gave him a few treats and closed the door on him in the living room so he would stop trying.
On Tuesday night the same happened again. He couldn’t get up the stairs despite trying. This time I had a frozen Kong ready and shut him in the living room again. He was very settled in bed when I came down the following morning. On Wednesday he didn’t even attempt the stairs. however, we were missing his company and so my partner picked him up and brought him upstairs. All 38kg of him. Calvin was delighted and we continued to do this on the following nights. On Thursday I contacted the vets to make an appointment as he obviously wasn’t back to his usual self since coming back from hospital and if I knew the vets were open on Good Friday I would have already booked him in for a check-up as I was concerned about him gagging on occasion. At this point he had been doing it for around 3 weeks on and off.
We went to the vets on the Monday where the vet advised that the hospital stay must have exacerbated his arthritis and the cough was most likely due to old age. A common condition called paralysis of the larynx. His lungs seemed clear, temperature fine and bloods that had been taken whilst in hospital were clear. I was pleased that it was nothing serious. That evening he left some of his food in his Kong wobbler and walked off to get a drink. I thought he had just not realised there were a few bits of kibble left and gave him the rest. On Tuesday morning he took a split second to start eating his breakfast and in the evening he again left his Kong wobbler with some kibble inside. By this point I was worried and took him back to the vets that evening.
We saw a different vet who informed me that his lungs sounded harsh and he had a slight temperature. he had been quieter than normal in the day and seemed subdued. She booked him in for tests the following day. Bloods and chest x-ray. We took Calvin for a small trot around the fields after the appointment and he seemed to brighten up. He happily explored and did his usual nudging at my pocket for treats. I didn’t know that would be our final venture.
That night he wouldn’t settle. He was pacing, coughing and drinking lots of water. I couldn’t sleep listening to him. Around 2am I took him out for a busy. He ran into the garden and I heard he had a poorly tummy. I knew he wouldn’t be able to make it back up the stairs and so I stayed on the sofa in case he needed to go out again. He was much more settled for the rest of the night. I’m not sure why he didn’t tell me he needed a busy before, he usually communicated well with me.
On Wednesday I received the worst possible news. Cancer. The chest x-ray showed cancer in the lungs and it was likely this was secondary. A subsequent ultra sound showed cancer in his liver and spleen too. Calvin must have been living with cancer for months. Not displaying any signs, merrily getting on with and enjoying life. Again his bloods were somehow clear. I was given some medication which was hoped would liven him back up for a while. Once he was feeling a bit better we wanted to take him to some of his favourite places and have some fun. Unfortunately this didn’t happen.
When we collected him from the vets he greeted me with his usual waggy tail and I was pleased and confident that I had made the right decision to take him home and not have him put to sleep there and then. I had decided I would sleep downstairs for the foreseeable future as the new medication would increase thirst and therefore the need to spend. Calvin slept pretty well until the early hours before struggling with his cough. He had been given some bland food to help with his tummy and happily ate it for breakfast. I gave him his new medication but was advised it would take a couple of days to kick in. Calvin appeared quite lethargic through the day, I put this down to the sedation he had to have the day before for the scans. He ate his second and third meals eagerly.
I had to go out for a couple of hours in the late afternoon. Calvin was home with my partner and Riley and had mostly been sleeping. When I came home Calvin mustered up a wag for me and my partner commented that he would only wag for me now. This was around 6pm. At 8:30pm I fed Calvin his final meal. He didn’t come over to eat it. Instead I took the bowl to him and he ate it lying down. He had deteriorated so rapidly. I was hopeful the medication I gave him after the meal would help somewhat.
Not long after Calvin seemed to really struggle with his cough. It was torturous to watch. I called the out of hours vets and asked if someone could come out. They couldn’t, advising that he would need to be brought in. I didn’t particularly appreciate the receptionists tone and decided to hold off. Although Calvin wasn’t due his next medication until the morning at about 11pm I gave him it anyway. I was desperate for him to feel more comfortable and decided 16 hours between doses was adequate. Perhaps it did help a tiny bit as he seemed to fall asleep all be it lightly.
At around 1.30am he shot up and indicated that he needed a busy. I let him out in the garden and he did his business. From then on he was back to struggling with his cough and panting. I felt awful for him. So helpless. Just after 2am I couldn’t bear watching him suffer any longer. I really wanted to wait for our local vets to open at 8am but time was passing so slowly. My partner asked me what I wanted to do and I made the decision I thought I would never have the strength to make. It was time to let Calvin go. I really wish there was another way. Some medication I could give him to ease his pain and watch him slip away peacefully in his sleep. This is not how I wanted it to end.
I called the out of hours vets and advised them that we would be coming in. the next task was getting Calvin in the car. My partner put the quilt in the boot so he would be comfortable. Thankfully Calvin was able to walk to the car but then kept moving away deciding against being lifted. So we scrapped that idea and I managed to lure him into the front footwell with me where he would usually sit.
On arrival at the vets Calvin point blank refused to get out of the car. This made me smile. he lay curled up quite content and cosy in the spot. After some minutes of Calvin making me look like a muppet as I turned on my enthusiastic high pitched doggy voice my partner called for help. One of the nurse’s came out who knew Calvin from his previous hospital stay. He couldn’t hide his shock at Calvin’s rapid deterioration and couldn’t get over that his bloods were clear. I turned on my positive doggy voice again and failed once more to urge Calvin out of the car. The nurse stepped in and managed to succeed by manoeuvring him a bit.
The nurse took Calvin in and we waited in the waiting room until everything was set up. I desperately wanted to be strong for Calvin in his final moments. I spoke continuously to him and gave him a final fish treat which to my relief he accepted in true Labrador style. He was sat up and panted. He was meant to get sleepy and slide to the floor. I knew my determined boy would fight and resist for as long as possible. This meant rather than slide he practically dropped to the floor and I tried to break his fall. I will never forget his last gasp. Then the stillness. No rise and fall of the body. Just nothing. We were able to stay with him for a while and I stroked and talked to him. I lowered my face mask and left him with a snotty kiss on his head.
I knew I didn’t want Calvin cremated. I am Muslim and don’t believe in cremation. I didn’t realise it was rare for animals not to be cremated. Thankfully there is a pet cemetery close to Melton Mowbray called Buena Vista that do dog burials. The vets kept Calvin in a cool room to preserve his body until Buena Vista could collect him.
I am so grateful that organising Calvin’s funeral was super simple. I called Buena Vista later that morning and they said they would collect Calvin in the next couple of hours. It is more pricy to bury an animal than have them cremated but it is honestly the better option in my opinion.
Calvin’s funeral took place on Monday 19 April. Exactly one month after his 13th birthday. It was a glorious sunny day and I was excited to see Calvin again. That might sound crazy but I really was. I missed him so much and I’m glad that my last time with him wasn’t in traumatic circumstances. We arrived at Buena Vista around 11.30am and was greeted by the gardener who would assist with the burial. Calvin was already in his casquette curled peacefully inside. He was surrounded by flowers. I was able to stroke him and he felt groomed. Silky and soft to the touch. I made sure I would remember his strong body. I tucked his favourite blanket around him and also gave him his Barks and Spencer plush C bone that I bought him for Christmas that was remarkably still intact, squeak and all. Riley was present and gave his big brother a cheeky lick. Before the casquette was closed I stroked Calvin’s velvet ear one final time.
I am keen to ensure Calvin’s legacy lives on and have created a tribute fund in aid of Guide Dogs in his memory. I was touched by the generous donations by friends, family and acquaintances when I shared that I would like to raise £500 so a specially inscribed brick can be placed at the path of support and remembrance at the National Guide Dog centre in Leamington Spa, the town where his Guide Dog journey began. The target was reached in June but unfortunately due to the pandemic the brick is still yet to be laid. I’m really hoping it is placed before his birthday. I only had 18 characters with spaces to honour his memory. The brick will read: A Guiding Star, Calvin 2008-21.
It is going to take a long time but my next goal is to raise a minimum of £2500 to name a future Guide Dog puppy Calvin. When the climate is better I plan on holding events to help reach the target and I personally donate a little something each month. The average cost of a Guide Dog is £55,000. I’m never going to be able to payback that but will do what I can for a dog that changed my life for the better.
I get comfort from visiting Calvin as often as I can. He has a lovely spot underneath a willow tree. There is so much that I miss about Calvin and daily remember his affection and quirks. For someone who never liked dogs Calvin made sure he stole my heart.
If you would like to visit Calvin’s tribute fund you can do so by clicking here. There are lots of photos all with image descriptions when you click into them. There are also a few videos and when I donate I share memories. If you feel able it would be amazing if you could donate. I can picture Calvin’s bright eyes and waggy tail thanking you. He really was a special boy that deserves to be remembered.
Below are a selection of messages people sent me when they heard the news. There are some wonderful ones on his tribute fund too.
‘He really has had a great life with you, you’ve been so dedicated to him’
‘he was a brilliant dog, we will all miss him’
’poor Calvin but what a dog he was’
‘no way…loved that dog’
‘he was a legend, loved by all’
‘Calvin was very memorable’
‘he will never be forgotten, I feel that in my heart and he wasn’t even mine’
‘Calvin had a great life and we were very lucky to have him in the family. He was the best friend you could have’
‘he was such a lovely dog and had so much character’
‘RIP dear Calvin…it’s down to you that he was happy right to the end’
‘oh bless him, you gave him a lovely life’
‘he will leave a huge hole in your heart’
‘He was a really lovely cheeky boy and you have some fantastic funny memories to cherish’
‘he was such a cheeky character’
‘he was a character indeed. I’m sure you are certainly not short of love and smiles when you think of him’
Guide Dog Calvin, 19 March 2008 - 16April 2021. Thanks for the memories, we had the best adventure.
