Sunday, 31 December 2017

Another Year

Wow, it is New Year’s Eve once again. This year’s Disney pyjamas, The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Famous for his toothy grin the Cheshire Cat has the best approach to life. Smile. Even when times are tough make sure you find something to smile about. It is so easy to be swallowed up by grief and sadness, but I promise if you dig deep there will be something in your life worth a smirk.

I am one of those people who dislikes odd numbers. There is something uncomfortable about them. So, it isn’t really surprising that 2017 threw some horridness at me. Whilst warming up for a race in June, I fractured my knee. Six months on and I still can’t run up the stairs pain free never mind sprint or even jog. For three months I couldn’t even walk without limping. Sport dictated my life. Monday track, Tuesday gym, Wednesday swim, Thursday track, Friday rest, Saturday gym, Sunday rest. In a split second my routine was lost, I felt lost and I have lost a lot of weight too. Goodbye muscles, farewell healthy heartrate. It may be difficult for people to comprehend, but without sport life for me is highly depressing. It gives me structure and constant targets to smash. The adrenaline rush is euphoric. I long to get that back.

Calvin, my beloved Guide Dog and bestest friend. I don’t yet have children, although the unconditional love I feel for him must equal that of parent and child. Unknowingly to him, he has caused me to shed a thousand tears this month alone. Guide Dogs visited us just before Christmas and the dreaded R word was brought up even before they saw him work due to him turning ten in March. Whilst it was agreed that I won’t go back on the list immediately, I will be back on it before his birthday. In addition they noticed a lump on his left paw. Calvin is riddled with fatty lumps, but this one is different. He had an x-ray on Thursday that revealed he has arthritis in his left wrist. The lump is not bone related, it is soft tissue related. It isn’t big enough to do a biopsy to check if it is anything more sinister. He has some anti-inflammatory medicine to see if that makes a difference. Calvin was so poorly after the anaesthetic, it was horrible to watch him suffer. I have never ever ever in the eight years of knowing him seen him so ill. All I want for him is to be healthy and happy though as he ages this is inevitably impossible. I am seriously not sure I can mentally handle having another Guide Dog.

Right, now on to the cheerful stuff. This year has been painful, but it has also been magical. I met a boy (gush), holidayed in Cape Verde and Dubai, saw so many fantastic shows at the theatre, witnessed Harry Kane score live at Wembley enabling England to qualify for the World Cup, went to the Olympic Park to watch the athletics World Championships, ate strawberries and cream at Wimbledon, sprinted my way to 60m and 100m PBs, danced the night away at my friend’s wedding, sang my heart out at Ed Sheeran and Steps concerts and later I’m going to try and not break any bones ice-skating. That is just the stuff I can remember! So yeah, I have had my dark and lonely days, but I have also had some pretty amazing ones too.

Yay an even number. No doubt I will have some hard times, but equally I already have so many things to look forward to. Paris in January, Harry Potter A History of Magic Exhibition in February, Matilda the Musical in March, An Officer and a Gentleman musical in April, Amsterdam in May, my 30th birthday in July and who knows what else. Hopefully I can get back to my athletic self and if Calvin is going to retire, here’s hoping it will be on happy and healthy grounds.

I adore writing this blog and only wish I updated it more often. There are so many topics I’m itching to write about, but find myself too busy enjoying life to get a chance. 2018 will be my tenth year of blogging. To those who have read my ramblings from the start thanks so much for sticking with me. To those who have stumbled upon my blog more recently thanks for taking the time to share in my life.

To all my readers, may 2018 bring you a year of smiles.

Sunday, 3 December 2017

A Day To Celebrate?

There is a day, week and month for everything these days. From National Cup Cake Day to Autism Awareness Week and Movember. All have the same aim of celebrating and/or promoting a particular cause. Today is International Day of Persons with Disabilities. However, I’m not really feeling in the mood to celebrate my blindness. Whilst I accept my disability, I wouldn’t say I’m proud to be blind. It isn’t an attribute I have chosen, it is one that was written in my DNA. In the same way I’m not one of those people who is proud to be female or Asian. It is just who I am. Nevertheless, I am proud of some of the things I have achieved despite my disability. Gaining a First Class degree in English Language and Literature and representing England at the Commonwealth Games taking the top spots.

I harp on about it a lot, but us disabled Brits are so lucky to live in such a disability friendly country. On this day of raising awareness of people with disabilities, I would like to remind people that not all disabled people are as privileged. Even in this day and age, there are millions of disabled people who are hidden away by their families. Then there are the ones who literally can’t leave their homes because their country is inaccessible.

Whilst today is my day, I would like to take the opportunity to thank my Guide Dog Calvin for his 8 years of service to me, the government for supporting me financially, my employer for giving me a job and my friends and family who all allow me to live an independent and fulfilling life. Thanks to them living with a disability really isn’t so bad.

Friday, 10 November 2017

Disability and Dignity

As part of my job I always ask people ‘how is your dignity maintained’? I often wonder as a disabled person if it is truly possible to maintain your dignity and earn respect. Of course, I can only speak from a visually impaired perspective. It seems to be the era to break the silence and end the awkward hence I thought I would share some of my less dignified daily experiences. The following feel like a taboo to talk about yet have most likely happened to the majority of visually impaired people.

Let’s start off with one of my daily struggles, needing the toilet! We all need to empty our bladders, but it is one of the most frustrating parts of being human. At school I would not use the toilet in a school day unless the pain of crossing my legs reached its ultimate limit. Although I was partially sighted in my school days I avoided the little girls room because it was always filled with the smokers at break and lunchtimes who scowled at you as you entered. Once in the bathroom the next hurdle was trying to establish which cubicle was free. Since the cubicle doors and the frames were all a pale grey I didn’t have the depth perception to see if a door was ajar or locked. The only way I could locate a vacant cubicle was by gently pushing on each door to see if it opened, an action I really didn’t want to perform in front of an audience. So, it was just easier to not go to the toilet.

I would love to say now that I’m nearly thirty that I no longer worry about needing to spend a penny. However, I think it is going to be like one of those poos that no matter how many times you flush they just keep floating back to the surface! Earlier this year I went on a first date. Before meeting the stranger I ensured that my train assistance guided me to the ladies prior to helping me to the exit. Whilst it was an amazing day that I will never forget, I will always remember being too afraid of asking him to guide me to the toilet. It was on the tip of my tongue on numerous occasions yet I couldn’t face the humiliation of publically announcing that I needed to urinate. Thankfully, I plucked up the courage on our second date after having some serious words with myself.

When you are in an unfamiliar environment there is no way you can avoid asking someone where the bathroom is. On the bright side once you are inside at least nobody is watching when you casually bounce off the walls in search of the loo or when you are wildly waving your hands around in order to find the flush. Last month I was on a busy train to London on the way to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child with audio description which I highly recommend watching if you can get tickets. Anyway, I’m sure many people will agree that whoever invented button operated toilets for trains needs to be shot! Routinely, I will always use the toilet before boarding a train, knowing that it will be very difficult to do so once travelling. Unfortunately, I arrived at the station with only three minutes to spare before my train departed. Aware of my need, the train assistance sat me directly opposite the toilet. As the train trundled along the tracks I listened intently to the toilet door sliding open and close, but I couldn’t actually work out when it was available. There was a nice old man next to me who had already engaged me in conversation as soon as I sat down, a personal pet hate of mine when travelling on public transport, though on this occasion worked to my advantage as it was easier to ask him if he knew if the toilet was in use. This was obviously code for ‘please help me, I’m busting’!

The nice old man offered to show me where the open, close and lock buttons were in the toilet, right after he had bellowed to the carriage to clear the way so I could make the two steps over to the facility! With a tight smile I thanked the gentleman for his help and frantically jabbed on the close door button so I could die of embarrassment in private. To my horror the door wouldn’t close, which resulted in the entire carriage jumping to my aid. After all buttons had been pressed by various people with no success, the toilet calmly flashed an ‘out of order’ sign, which meant I had to sheepishly return to my seat and cross my legs until Euston.

A skill you acquire when you are blind is the ability to recognise people’s voices. Generally, I’m quite good at this, although admittedly I can’t put a name to every one of my 24 Brownies voices. When you are in a situation like going to a friend’s house and you know who is going to be there it makes it easier to distinguish who is who. The nightmare occurs when you are out in public and a voice is out of context. I was out shopping recently and a random voice called my name. Totally on auto pilot I replied ‘hey’ in a sociable tone. They then proceeded to come over and said ‘it’s me’! We began exchanging pleasantries whilst my brain went into overdrive trying to label the anonymous voice. It only took a few seconds for me to properly realise who I was speaking to, but my friend fully expected me to know who she was even though I hadn’t seen her for over a year!

Voices are sneaky things, they move without warning. You can be in a full blown conversation with someone then they will suddenly reply from over your shoulder when you were certain the person was still standing in front of you. Or sometimes you find yourself asking the atmosphere if they had a good holiday? A feeling of bemusement sets in until you realise that there is nobody there to respond, which makes you wonder if apparition is real.

Another issue with voices is that they don’t always tell you that they are speaking to you. The consequences of this can be fatal since the voice either concludes that you are being rude for not answering or they believe you are disrespectful for talking in someone else’s place. Once when I was waiting for a train at my local station a lady may have or may not have said hello to me. Small talk ensued until I clocked that the lady was in fact on the phone and therefore not conversing with me at all even though I was politely replying and reacting to all of her questions. Yes I felt immensely stupid and the train couldn’t come fast enough!

Social situations can be tough when you are blind and the one thing I’m awful at is greetings. Do you shake hands? Hug? Kiss? If kiss, is it just one on the cheek or one on each cheek? The best way to deal with this is by taking the initiative first, but I always forget. The amount of times someone has put their hand out waiting for me to shake it and I have unconsciously blanked them is unreal. If I’m with someone they will grab my wrist and thrust my hand into the other person’s hand whilst I psychologically face palm. I never learn. Then there are the times when someone decides to go in for a hug when you are not expecting it. The hugger inadvertently clamps down your arms and you end up giving the other person an awkward pat on the back since you can’t physically lift up your arms to return the gesture properly. It just isn’t cool. Let’s not forget the kissing dance, both of you turn your head the same way and disaster strikes as you brush each other’s lips instead of your cheeks!

Finally, there is the tricky task of eating elegantly in public. At home all of my knives have grooves on them so before I eat I swipe the knife with my fork and can hear if my knife is the right way around before I cut something. However, at other people’s houses and in restaurants not all knives have this feature meaning I might try and slice my meal with the knife upside down. Forks are fiddly pieces of equipment too. You stab a chip with the prongs, but when the fork reaches your mouth you find yourself taking a bite of pure metal as the chip failed to survive the trip from plate to lips. Sometimes, when you eat what actually manages to reach your lips can be somewhat of a surprise. For instance the food item may be larger than you anticipated or you might discover that you have just taken a chunk out of a lemon or lettuce leaf. In these situations you have to do your best to style out the munching as much as you want to either spit the food back on to the plate or contort your face into a disgusted expression. One time a friend offered me some nuts at his house and I eagerly popped one into my mouth. I exclaimed ‘these are a little hard’ and he burst out laughing because I hadn’t removed the shell! Whoopsy!

I think that it is pretty evident that maintaining your dignity and functioning as a respectful member of society is practically impossible when you are visually impaired. It can be very easy to get down, feel embarrassed or direct anger towards the public. We could hide away in our homes where we have access to a toilet, can check our caller IDs on our phones to see who is calling and drop food down us unintentionally until our hearts are content. Realistically, social isolation is not the ideal solution. Personally, I believe we just need to adopt a sense of humour, take those cringe worthy moments with a pinch of salt and enjoy living life. Everybody makes mistakes, it is an essential part of being human.

Friday, 20 October 2017


In life, we ask lots of questions. Why is the sky blue? What came first, the chicken or the egg? If a tree falls in the forest and there is nobody there to hear it, does it still make a noise? Thanks to science we have learnt the answers to many of life’s conundrums. However, sometimes we are just left with multiple theories and it is up to us to choose which we believe, if any. I was and will always be the first female in the world to be diagnosed with Norrie’s Disease. But for as long as I can remember I have asked myself and the professionals why did this happen to me? How can a condition that is only supposed to affect males been passed on to me? Why wasn’t I born totally blind like my male family members with the condition? Over the years I have heard numerous theories, but nobody seemed interested in finding out the real reason other than me.

It has taken over a year of referrals and appointments, but I finally have some answers. It has been a few years now since I came to terms with losing my sight, yet I can honestly say I have never come to terms with having Norrie’s Disease itself. Until now that is. A part of me was convinced that I had a different condition despite my family history and Norrie like symptoms. Whilst I have always claimed to have Norrie’s Disease I have often felt like a fraud when communicating with others about the condition, especially when people have asked how I have it and I never had any firm facts.

Scientifically speaking, female carriers of Norrie’s Disease have a one in four chance of having a child affected by Norrie’s Disease. Technically, if the child is a boy there is a 50% chance that they will present with the condition and if a girl there is a 50% chance that they will be a carrier of the condition. This is because Norrie’s Disease is an X-linked condition. Theoretically, a female should not present with symptoms of the condition as they have two X chromosomes and therefore should activate the Norrie gene on the spare chromosome. Males present with the condition because they only have one X chromosome.

When I began to present with symptoms of Norrie’s Disease at the age of two, I did undergo genetic testing. However, at that time they did not know the location of the Norrie gene nor did they have the ability to test for the reason why I have the condition. Without my knowledge my blood sample was re-tested in 2004 due to the advancements in technology. I only received the results in August at an appointment that I fought tooth and nail for. The tests revealed that I have a mutation on the Norrie gene confirming that I am definitely a carrier of Norrie’s Disease. Although I have always suspected this was the case, it was quite gutting to hear that I could potentially pass Norrie’s Disease on to my children. The results also indicated that I most likely had skewed X inactivation syndrome.

They took more blood on the day from myself and my mum in order to run further tests. I received the results last week, which stated I have significant skewed X inactivation meaning I activated more genes on my maternal X one of course being the mutated Norrie gene. Thus explaining why I have Norrie’s Disease. At some point after conception, females activate genes on their X chromosomes. Normally, they activate approximately 50% on each. For whatever reason, I chose to activate more of my mum’s genes. She has always joked when I was born she thought she had cloned me because my appearance was so alike to hers! Lots of females might have skewed X inactivation, but not know about it since they haven’t activated a faulty gene.

It is so good to have some proper answers. I know it doesn’t change the fact that I have Norrie’s Disease and it can’t bring back my sight. If anything it has unleashed a new can of worms as I know I’m a carrier of the condition and know I am set on having children. Nevertheless, it has given me closure. I can confidently say I have Norrie’s Disease and I now know why.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Stress Fracture

Today marks 6 weeks since I injured my knee whilst warming up for a race. An MRI scan showed that I have a stress fracture called osteochondritis dissecans. Mentally and physically the last 6 weeks have been really tough. To go from running faster than I have ever done before to finding it near impossible to walk was a severe shock to the system. 6 weeks on, I am still unable to walk limp free. However, I am on the road to recovery, it is just going to be a very long road. I have begun to do rehab consisting of deep pool non-impact exercises alongside some static non weight bearing exercises on land. I have an appointment with the consultant in 2 weeks time where hopefully my knee has healed enough to start physio treatment.

I have had moments where I have thought I’m never going to be able to walk properly again, never mind run. It is always easy to think the worst. One of the hardest elements has been to watch my muscle mass rapidly slip away. Years of intense training dissolving in front of my eyes. I have literally been losing weight with the lack of exercise.

It goes without saying that my athletics season has been cut short. I only managed a month’s worth of racing before the injury occurred. Nevertheless, I was able to run a PB over 100m, clocking 13.52 seconds in Bedford in May. What is incredibly frustrating is that I ran that time without full speed training. I could have gone much faster this year.

I guess there is no point dwelling on the could have, should have, would have beens. This is the situation that I am facing now and I need to focus on getting back to full health and fitness.

The best moment is not going to be when I start sprinting again, but when the house isolation can end. I am so desperate to put on Calvin’s harness and go for a nice long walk. It is funny I have no problem being blind every day, yet take my mobility away and it feels like the end of the world!

patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet (Jean-Jacques Rousseau)

Monday, 24 July 2017


I think there has been some sort of mistake…apparently I am now 29 years old and it feels like my 30th birthday is creeping up on me like the Jaws theme tune! I am dangerously close to entering the fourth decade of my life. What happened to my twenties? What was the plan? I don’t think there ever was one. I have just floated through taking each year as it came. Have I done everything I wanted to in my twenties? I’m not sure. Am I ready to join the thirty club? Certainly not!

I feel that I am constantly talking to people about things I want to do in life, but for one reason or another it doesn’t evolve into anything more than idle chatter. I kind of wish I wasn’t so sensible, I can always find a rational reason for not doing something. I long to live life to the full yet crave routine and stability. Sometimes I am my only barrier to fulfilling my dreams and aspirations.

As I enter the final few hundred days of my twenties I don’t feel like that there is anything more I need to accomplish in this decade of my life. Everything seems quite settled and satisfying at the moment. If I can maintain that until my next birthday, I should be happy. However, I am already compiling a bucket list for my thirties!

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

The Undateables

It is well-known that I featured in a documentary called Blind Young Things that aired on Channel 4 about 10 years ago. When I watch the documentary back, something I do on an annual basis, I am always surprised that it is me. I have changed so much as a person, I like to think for the better. Yes I wince at the evidence of my former self, but I’m so glad I participated in the show and can see how I have grown, matured and evolved as an individual.

Channel 4 need to be commended on the vast number of disability related shows that they air on their various channels. From sport to comedy to reality TV, they are all working to enhance the general public’s awareness of disability, which is great.

I have had my fifteen minutes of fame on Channel 4, now it could be your turn to do the same. The ever lovable show The Undateables are looking for single people with a disability for their next series. See below for full details.

Are you looking for love?
Are you interested in taking part in a Channel 4 TV Series?

A Channel 4 TV Series about love and disability.
‘betty’ is making a seventh series of the romantic and insightful The Undateables.
We will be following disabled people and those with a variety of conditions through the highs and lows of finding love.
If you are single and looking for love please get in touch on
0207 290 0223 or email

Thursday, 22 June 2017

Blind in Britain

If you look at Face Book and Twitter, you would be tricked into thinking that Britain is a terrible place to live if you have a visual impairment. Whilst people with disabilities in this country face barriers on a daily basis, quite often in relation to accessibility, I feel that it is important to highlight how great it actually is to be blind in Britain. I recognise that it is only so good thanks to people constantly campaigning for change, but after being out and about last weekend it really hit home how lucky I am to live in such a disability friendly country.

To give you a bit of background, on Saturday I needed to travel through London to get to my final destination and I needed to repeat the process in reverse on Sunday. Travelling through London solo is something that I have only done once before and that was with Calvin my Guide Dog who gives me more confidence when I’m out travelling by myself. This time it was just me, my cane and the added anxiety of the recent terror attacks. Firstly, before I have even started my journey, I am able to get 1/3 off of my ticket fair with my disabled railcard. There is assistance at my local train station that helps me board the train, find a seat and notifies St Pancras that I am on my way. I am met immediately at the other end by assistance who guide me to the underground and their staff. Straight away someone is available to assist me on to the tube and alerts Paddington to my arrival at the other end. However, once I have boarded the tube and travel a couple of stops an announcement informs us that the train will terminate earlier than planned and advises everybody to get off at the next stop. Quickly I am infused by a wave of panic as I know there is no assistance waiting for me to help me continue my journey. The tears start flowing and the general public rush to my aid, several people willing to help me. Before they can, a member of the underground staff lets me know he has called for another staff member to help me. I make it to Paddington and although I have missed my train connection, I am offered assistance instantly to get the next train that departs in 3 minutes time. They phone ahead to Reading to ensure that I am still met despite travelling on a later service and can get another connection to reach my final destination. When I reflect, it was completely unnecessary for me to have worried in the slightest and it turned out to be the perfect warm-up for the following day.

On Sunday, my return journey started off badly with a 20 minutes train delay. I made it back to St Pancras with the same seamless assistance as the previous day, only to discover that all trains back home had been cancelled. If this was Saturday I would have been hysterical, but this time I was able to keep my head. The StPancras staff member I was with was so helpful in ensuring I found an alternative route home even though his shift was just about to finish. I had to get back on the underground and made my way to Euston. Unfortunately I had narrowly missed my alternative train and had to wait nearly an hour for the next service. In this time someone was able to assist me to use the toilet and I watched in awe as the assistance hub worked tirelessly to make sure people caught their trains. They were clearly under staffed, but even when people arrived with very little time before their train they went above and beyond to enable them to catch it. A journey that was meant to take me about 3 hours instead took me over 6 and a half hours. It was mentally and physically exhausting as well as challenging. Nevertheless, I made it home thanks to dozens of people helping me on the way, both paid members of staff and the general public.

Unsurprisingly, the 6 and a half hour journey gave me lots of thinking time. The list below demonstrates some of the reasons why it is so good to be blind in Britain:

1. Train assistance
2. Disabled person’s railcard (1/3 discount on train fair)
3. National bus pass
4. Tactile markings on the pavement indicating a safe place to cross
5. Tactile spinning cone underneath controlled crossing boxes indicating when it is safe to cross
6. Braille in lifts
7. Braille on medication
8. Talking cash points (ATMs)
9. Audio description on TV, in the cinema and at the theatre
10. Guide Dogs and their right to access all public spaces
11. Disability benefits (DLA, PIP, ESA, Blind person’s tax allowance, disability working tax credit)
12. Access to Work Scheme
13. Discounts for leisure activities usually buy 1 get 1 free (cinema, concerts, theatre, theme parks and other attractions)
14. Specialist visually impaired hotels (Windermere, Teignmouth)
15. Specialist holiday companies (Traveleyes, Seeable)
16. Multiple charities that offer services (RNIB, VICTA, Look, Blind in Business etc)
17. RNIB library (free books in Braille, large print and audio)
18. Accessible menus in many restaurants (large print/Braille)
19. Access to top eye hospitals (Moorfields, Manchester Eye Hospital etc)
20. Accessible banking (talking pin century reader, bank statements in an accessible format)
21. Accessible voting
22. The general public (people aren’t scared to help)

Some people will grumble that the above doesn’t always work or go to plan and they are right, we don’t live in a perfect society. My argument is that we are incredibly privileged to have the option of such a vast variety of services and facilities that allows the visually impaired community to lead independent and fulfilling lives.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Norrie Disease

As previously mentioned on my blog, I have a rare genetic condition called Norrie Disease which primarily affects the eyes. It is only meant to affect males, but somehow I defied the odds and was the first female in the world to be diagnosed with the condition. My older brother and 2 uncles also have/had Norrie Disease. Ever since I have had access to the internet I recall Googling, desperate to find out more information about this condition that has not only had a massive impact upon my life, but my family’s too. It is surprising to think in this day and age that even now it is difficult to find accurate and detailed information about Norrie Disease. At the moment I am waiting for genetic testing in order to try and fully understand how I have managed to present with the condition and I am also keen to learn how my genetic makeup will affect my children if I am lucky enough to have them one day. I am certain that I am a carrier of Norrie Disease, so it is something that could potentially impact on my family in generations to come. Norrie Disease has stolen my vision and it is beginning to steal my hearing. Whilst I am an individual who is intent on not allowing their disability stopping them from leading a fulfilling life, I can’t escape from the fact that I have Norrie Disease and always will.

Last Saturday, something exciting happened. It was the launch of The Norrie Disease Foundation. It is the first UK based charity setup to support those affected by Norrie Disease. Their aim is to connect Norrie Disease families as well as promote vital new research into the condition. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the launch. However, I am very grateful to those who have put in the hard work to make this much needed charity a reality. I am looking forward to seeing what The Norrie Disease Foundation can achieve and getting involved with the Norrie community.

To visit The Norrie Disease Foundation website, just click here.

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Race Time Again

It is the eve of my outdoor season once again. When I sit back and think about how long I have been involved in athletics, I am surprised that I haven’t given up on it yet. There are a lot of things that have happened in the sport that make me want to throw in the towel. The one element that stops me is the fact that I know I have not reached my full potential. I desperately want to represent Great Britain at a championships. I can’t believe it is nearly three years since I got the opportunity to compete for England at the Commonwealths. Paralympic sport moves so fast it is difficult to know whether I will reach the necessary standard to fulfil my goal. However, I intend on training week in week out for the foreseeable future. Training dominates my life. At times it is tough to try and justify the commitment when I’m not exactly winning medals or breaking records. I could probably be successful if I took up another sport, but I love to run, I love to sprint, I love athletics in general.

I had a positive indoor season, reducing my 60m PB from 8.77 to 8.63. Since last winter I have lost about ten pounds in body weight, but I am managing to lift heavier than I have ever done in the gym before. I have four months of racing ahead of me with the only target being to run as fast as I can. I fully expect to break my 100m PB of 13.61. Perhaps not instantly, but it will happen in the coming months.

There is a new rule for T11 athletes, which now requires us to wear eye patches as well as blacked out shades in races to reduce cheating. This is not a problem for me other than sourcing some eye patches since I can’t see anything with my shades on anyway. Even without shades I can’t see anything when I run. Yes I have light perception in my left eye, but when moving at speed my eye fails to detect anything and blacks out. In some ways I am pleased that the IPC recognises that there is a problem with my classification. It now has athletes who have useful vision and who are able to walk, run and train unaided. Originally I thought the most vision you were allowed to have in the T11 classification was light perception. I am not sure what the limits are now. All I know is if that you are able to train unaided then you have an advantage over me even if you are blindfolded in a race. This is because you are able to:

Train without a guide thus giving you more feeling and chance to develop control over your body
Learn new drills/exercises visually making them easier for you to pick up and enhance your running ability
Generally be able to do drills/exercises that simply aren’t safe or feasible for a totally blind athlete to do, again increasing your running ability

Racing with a blindfold is not scary once you master the fear and trust your guide runner. Put Usain Bolt in a blindfold and I am certain he would still be able to run under ten seconds, as he has visually learnt the art of running and doesn’t need to see in order to implement his technique. The only trouble would be finding a guide runner fast enough for him! Whilst I feel disadvantaged in my classification at the moment, I accept that nobody is cheating under the current rules. If a classifier has deemed somebody to be a T11 then they are a T11 and there is nothing I can do about it. It is just unlucky for me that I am at the more severe end of my classification. I just feel it is important to write down my views. The classification system is there to make para-sport as fair as possible and it unfortunately is never going to satisfy everybody as no two people have exactly the same disability.

All of that aside, I am hoping to have a good season. I am looking forward to seeing how fast I can go…

Sunday, 9 April 2017

Fine At Nine

Last month Calvin turned nine years old. In theory this means that he has entered the final year of his working life as my Guide Dog since it is well-known that Guide Dogs don’t tend to work beyond the age of ten. However, I just don’t think he is ready to retire. I have spent the last year analysing his work and general well-being. He hasn’t changed a tiny bit. He still walks at a nice speed, has a spring in his step as he trots along and is always excited to have his harness put on and come out with me. Personally, as it stands at present, it really wouldn’t be in Calvin’s best interest to retire. Being a Guide Dog is all that Calvin has known and for the last seven and a half years he has been my partner in crime. Being separated and introducing a new dog into our world when Calvin is still keen to work makes no sense to me. I understand that it is important for Guide Dogs to have the opportunity to be regular dogs for a period in their lives, but Calvin already experiences ‘normal’ dog life anyway, which may have contributed to him still enjoying his work. Not only does he get free-runs, he is often walked on his lead too.

It could be argued that I am being selfish for wanting Calvin to work beyond his years. I admit that I am dreading the day Calvin says no more. Whilst Calvin has caused me a million and one stressful moments, he has given me a level of independence, confidence and happiness that I never had as a cane user. We know so many routes. Calvin has learnt everything with me. Prior to him, I could walk around the block at a push. Now I can effortlessly walk back to my parents two and a half miles away. It is going to take a lot of hard work teaching a new dog everything Calvin and I know.

I keep asking myself do I really want another dog? Could I bond with another dog? Could I love another dog? It reminds me of starting a new relationship. Calvin is going to my parents when he retires because I can’t imagine not having him in my life. However, can you really properly move on to a new relationship when you still have your ex in your life? Is it fair on you or your future partner? Ordinarily I would say no. Calvin is like my first love. He will always be special to me because he is my first everything. Nevertheless, I know deep down that we can’t be a partnership forever and in the long-term it is best for the both of us to move on. It will break my heart when Calvin retires. Tears will be shed. Then I will brush myself off and start a new relationship. It won’t be the same as the one I have had with Calvin, but hopefully it will be as pleasant and as long lasting.

In the meantime I intend on enjoying every single moment with my bestest boy in the whole wide world!

Thursday, 2 March 2017

5 Star Reads

Since getting my iPhone last year, I now rate every book I read on my Good Reads app as soon as I have finished it. It is nice to keep a log of what I have read, see what other people read and check out reviews. In honour of World Book Day I have listed 15 books I have read and rated 5 out of 5 stars on Good Reads. They are in no particular order, but cover genres such as Thriller, Young Adult, Dystopia, Romance and even Science Fiction. I highly recommend every single novel!

1. The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer
2. I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh
3. Beside Myself by Ann Morgan
4. Never Say Goodbye by Susan Lewis
5. Invisible Girl by Kate Maryon
6. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch
7. Behind Closed Doors by B A Paris
8. Damaged by Cathy Glass
9. Thunder Dog by Michael Hingson
10. My Best Friend’s Girl by Dorothy Koomson
11. Try Not To Breathe by Holly Seddon
12. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult
13. If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern
14. The Sisters by Claire Douglas
15. While My Eyes Were Closed by Linda Green

Happy Reading!

Sunday, 5 February 2017


Traveleyes is a company that organises group holidays for not only visually impaired people, but sighted travellers too. Their slogan is ‘share the adventure’. To make it enticing for both visually impaired and sighted travellers they have two main selling points. If you are visually impaired, you can book on to a holiday as an individual with the knowledge that you will be provided with sighted assistance throughout your trip and therefore have the opportunity to explore the world independently, a task that would otherwise be quite challenging or near impossible. If you are sighted, you can book on to a holiday at a substantially discounted rate, sometimes up to 50% less than what a visually impaired traveller is required to pay. It is then expected that you are prepared to ‘lend your eyes’ to the visually impaired participants throughout the trip. Ultimately, everyone gets to discover a destination with likeminded people.

Traveleyes have been on my radar for some time. I have been lucky enough to travel to lots of countries over the years, but when I holiday with my family we rarely go on organised excursions opting instead to stay around the hotel or self-explore. This has always been fine and something I plan on continuing to do. However, I also want to experience the world in a more adventurous manner. So last year when I saw Traveleyes release their holiday to The Gambia and one of the tour highlights was seeing monkeys in the wild (my favourite animal), I was immediately interested.

The thought process had to be quite quick since Traveleyes always emphasise how popular their holidays are at the bottom of their promotional emails and I know through word of mouth that places get snapped up pretty fast. So, within less than 24hrs of the trip being advertised, I decided that I definitely wanted to go and to my surprise my family were keen to come too, making us two sighted and two visually impaired travellers. It was the weekend so I registered our interest through the website and found out on the Monday that the trip was already fully booked, but we would be placed on a waiting list. I honestly couldn’t believe at just how speedily the places did go. The following week we were informed that they had increased the number of places available due to popular demand and we could now go. A deposit was paid with the full balance due 12 weeks prior to our departure date.

Right now, I should be boarding the plane to The Gambia. Only I am clearly sat at home writing this. For months I have been looking forward to visiting a new country, experiencing its wildlife and culture and generally getting some winter sun. Hence, I was deeply disappointed when The Gambia hit national news a few weeks ago when the former Prime Minister refused to step down and military action was being threatened. At the time I felt a little selfish that my main concern was worrying about whether or not my holiday would be cancelled and whether or not I would receive a refund when hundreds of people were fleeing their homes in fear that a war would break out in their country.

Traveleyes were prompt at releasing a statement regarding the trip when the news first broke and assured us that our safety was their main priority. The holiday wasn’t cancelled immediately. Despite the Foreign Office declaring it is now safe to travel to The Gambia, Traveleyes were advised by their suppliers to cancel. This was only last week and already we have a full refund, which softens the blow a little.

I was hoping to blog about travelling with a company like Traveleyes, but it looks like it will have to wait for another day. If you would like more information about Traveleyes, you can visit their website here.