Friday 19 October 2018

30

Age is just a number. Digits that increase by one every year. It shouldn’t define who we are. Yet it does. In July I turned thirty and I still can’t get my head around it. Thirty. I don’t feel thirty, but what is it meant to feel like to be a number that begins with three?

Our twenties are our first decade of adulthood. There are so many things that are expected from us post-childhood. Some people manage to excel at being a grown-up. Before they hit thirty they have a degree, career, home, marriage and children. All of the assets required in order to navigate successfully through life. Those of us who don’t tick all of the boxes can often experience a sense of regret, failure or inferiority.

I wish I didn’t have the desire to conform to society’s expectations. We are all individuals that progress through life at different rates, achieving different things, which should not be measured against one another. Perhaps it is the competitiveness within me or human nature ingrained within us all. We seem to fight to be the king of the castle, the leader of the pack or the best in show.

So what happened in my twenties? I got a Guide Dog that enhanced my independence and introduced me to the concept of unconditional love. I obtained a First Class English Language and Literature degree from The Open University. I represented England at the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games. I became a home owner and can’t wait to finish paying off my mortgage. I left two jobs and started a third. I exited two relationships and entered a third. I stepped out of my comfort zone and volunteer at my local Brownie pack. I had a few more eye operations and accepted my sight loss. I holidayed in numerous countries. I attended music concerts, theatre shows and sporting events. I maintained, lost and discovered friendships. I blogged about it all.

As I embark on this new decade of life, I find myself constantly pondering, day-dreaming about the future. I am so eager to get engaged and married. I have baby names all picked out. I feel in a hurry, left behind because friends have raced ahead of me. I can hear a clock tic-toc away in my head. Time is running out. At least my sub-conscious seems to think so. The rational side of me reminds me to take a breath, appreciate what I have achieved to date and assures me that things will happen in their own good time.

Ten years, one hundred and twenty months, around five hundred and twenty one weeks and about three thousand six hundred and fifty two days. A decade of time. Time that I hope will be filled with happiness.

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