Yesterday UK Athletics met to select the team for the London 2012 Paralympics and it wasn’t a surprise that my name didn’t make the list. My final two competitions were nothing less than a disaster, as on Wednesday my guide runner got stuck in traffic and arrived just five minutes before my race, which was extremely stressful and meant I couldn’t warm-up fully and then on Sunday the guide rope snapped halfway down the track. I clocked a disappointing 14.96secs on Wednesday and whilst I attempted to carry on running after the shock of the guide rope breaking on Sunday, I stopped before the finish, as I literally crumbled inside.
Whilst on Sunday I was fully aware that it was unlikely I was going to make the team, I was so determined to prove to myself and everybody else that I was capable of running fast. When the guide rope snapped, so did something inside of me, most likely the reality of the last four years of hard work coming to a bitter end. My eyes just started burning and the tears pouring, I wanted to keep my blind fold on so nobody saw, but took it off to shake the other athletes hands at the end who were probably all confused to what I was crying about. I really shouldn’t have shown my weakness in front of everybody including UK Athletics who I heard were pointing at me, I dread to think what they were saying. I just felt completely sorry for myself and unlucky yet again, which goes against everything I believe in. I was a total emotional wreck!
I’m totally over myself now though and focused on running sub fourteen seconds next year. There is a World Championships next year in France, but that’s not my main priority. I believe 2014 is the ultimate aim with the European Championships and Common Wealth Games where I firmly feel I can not only gain my first GB and England vests, but snatch a couple of medals too.
I’m sure there are people who think I’m setting myself up to fail yet again, but I know with the right team behind me I can reach my full potential. I have had eight guide runners in four years, but I am confident that my current one is in it for the long-term.
I’m still looking forward to watching the Paralympic Games and I hope everyone else will be getting behind our athletes too.
My new bio on my Face Book reads:
I can be found wishing upon stars, chasing rainbows and jumping over hurdles, determined to fulfil my dreams...