Working Woes

It’s time to revive my blog. It’s scary to think this is my first post of the year. To be honest this year is proving to be incredibly challenging and it’s about time I shared it all.

I have got so many woes to write about. This post will focus on my struggle to find secure employment. For years now I have been happily floating along with two jobs that are 0 hour contracts. Whilst the work has never been guaranteed, in general I have worked on a weekly basis and have been comfortable financially.

Last year I was furloughed by one job and the other job continued to provide regular work. This year the story has been somewhat different. On average I have been working three days per month! I am good at budgeting and have managed to keep on top of my bills but the situation is so stressful and there is no sign of it ever improving. When I do get work it is often at very short notice, it’s not uncommon to be asked if I’m free in the next half an hour. The majority of the time I am able to drop everything. When this isn’t possible I chastise myself for being busy and missing out on essential income. I’m fearful of making plans in case I’m asked to work.

All year I have actively been applying for jobs and to date have been offered three interviews. The first interview I couldn’t attend as I was asked to work and they couldn’t move the interview date. The second interview was for the Step Up to Social Work programme and I worked so hard on my application. However, after completing multiple assessments they informed me on my birthday that I hadn’t been successful. It was a kick in the teeth but I brushed myself off and applied for a job at a sight loss charity that I really liked the look of. Ever committed I made sure I submitted a strong application. Despite receiving glowing feedback I received another rejection. It was too much, my confidence was crushed and pride damaged.

How many times can a person pick themselves back up? If you’re me there is no limit. I had a big ugly cry and invited the smallest violin to play the saddest tune at my pity party. This year I feel like I’m failing. Failing at everything. Yet I know that failure doesn’t have to be forever and whilst I didn’t get this latest job I am proud of my application. That’s why I’m going to share it. I enjoyed working on it. Spoiler alert, the following does mention some of my other woes!

First I had to send my CV, cover letter and an audio presentation that lasted no longer than three minutes. The presentation needed to talk about a mentor in my life, how we met and how they have helped me. The written version is printed below. However, you can find the actual audio version on my Face Book page for this blog ‘Insight Out’. Skip pass the text if you have already listened to the audio to see what the interview assessment entailed.

Start presentation

Productivity breeds success. That’s the motto of my mentor, friend and guide runner Ryan Asquith. My name is Selina Litt and I am a T11 visually impaired 100m sprinter.

For as long as I can remember I have loved sport and in particular running. I volunteered for the cross country team at primary school and joined an athletics club at the age of 11. However, this was short lived because I struggled to keep up with my peers due to my partial vision at the time.

In my late teens, now completely blind I joined an athletics club specifically for the disabled and in 2009 started competing. Like many I was excited about London 2012 and dreamed of racing at the games. Unfortunately I am not naturally talented and initially I ran around 17 seconds over 100m.

By 2011 I had reduced my time to 15 seconds and trained with Charnwood AC. I was on the lookout for a new guide runner that could help me progress further when I was approached by Lincoln Asquith, former GB sprinter and guide runner. He said I could run with his son Ryan providing he could coach us. Little did Lincoln know I wanted him to coach me for years. Nevertheless, I knew nothing about Ryan.

In late 2011 Ryan and I started training together 4 times per week. Two track sessions and 2 gym sessions. A trend that would continue for the next 10 years.

Over the last decade Ryan has advised, motivated and emotionally supported me. He has guided me both physically and mentally so that I can reach my goals.

He has advised me on nutrition, technique and recovery. Motivated me to train when the weather has been miserable and when I’ve felt tired. He has emotionally supported me through injury and poor performances.

He has guided me to the T11 60m indoor British record, 5th place at the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games, a 13.52 seconds 100m PB and a 3rd place ranking in Europe in 2017. The same year I sustained a career threatening injury.

I STILL HAVE DREAMS of competing at a Paralympic Games despite spending the last few years rehabilitating. For as long as I have Ryan by my side I believe I can achieve. Productivity breeds success…

End presentation

At interview stage I had a regular question and answer session that was followed by a written task. I had twenty minutes to write about ‘a perfect day’ and email the response back to them. It had to be written over three paragraphs. Considering how many hours it takes me to write these blog posts, it’s a miracle I managed to write more than a sentence! In all seriousness writing the below made my eyes prick with tears, it really was the most perfect of days.

Start text

About a year ago I had the most perfect day when my partner and I travelled to Old Hunstanton with my retired Guide Dog Calvin and current Guide Dog Riley. It was the first time we had holidayed as a four and I felt like I had my own little family.

Surprising for England the sun was shining and I found myself in a t-shirt and shorts on the beach, in Britain! I love the beach, listening to the soothing sounds of the waves, feeling the sand between my toes and this time listening to the merry jingle of Calvin and Riley’s bells on their collars as they played happily whilst my partner and I walked hand in hand.

I will always treasure that day on the beach as little did I know that would be our one and only holiday together as a four. Calvin sadly passed away earlier this year. I’m so pleased we could make that magical memory before he passed. Despite being twelve and a half at the time I’ll never forget him jumping up on me to say thank you for bringing him to the beach, our shared love.

End text

Of course Calvin will have his own blog post before the year is out. I have written most of it but every time I go back to it I’m in bits. I will find the strength. And yes I do seem to be crying a hell of a lot this year. I never used to be a crier at all. Testing times.

Anyway, the job hunt continues. I’m going to put it out there, if anyone wants to offer me part-time work then don’t be afraid to contact me. I am more than happy to send you a copy of my CV.

2020 What A Year

2020 a year like no other. A year we never could have predicted or prepared for. A year that has tested our ability to adapt and conform. A year where we have all had to be resilient.

Many people have lost loved ones and in this respect I find myself grateful that to date my personal friends and family have either remained healthy or recovered well from the virus. When reflecting on the last 12 months it is easy to recall and dwell on the struggles. However, I want to take this opportunity to focus on the good.

In January Calvin put up his paws and started life as a retired Guide Dog. For 5 weeks my life was put on hold whilst I trained with new boy Riley. In February we qualified as a partnership. Prior to the first lockdown on Tuesday 24th March, no doubt a quiz question of the future I managed to partake in some fun activities. Afternoon teas, charity quizzes, Norrie Disease family day, Crufts and a trip to the theatre to see The Book of Mormon.

Then the pause button was pressed on normality. The world became a frightful place. In spite of this new discoveries were made. Zoom. What a magical concept. I started a mindfulness course with Look and could still connect with my Book Club.

In April I relished one of my jobs becoming home based saving me the stress of travelling to Coventry and Warwickshire. I was fortunate that my other job put me on furlough meaning I was financially secure.

Summer came early allowing for countless garden days and I enjoyed running solo at my local cricket pitch. The gym and shops opened in time for my birthday in July. Whilst in August we took advantage of eat out to help out and managed to physically meet up with friends for a BBQ.

The highlight of September was a night away in Old Hunstanton. I was on the beach in shorts in Britain! Calvin and Riley had the best time playing on the beach. Calvin was puppy walked by the sea and he totally forgot his 12 and a half years of age as he sprinted around and jumped on me to thank me for bringing him. Riley learnt the hard way that drinking sea water isn’t a good idea as he spectacularly spewed up at dinner. Thankfully it was a dog friendly hotel. I’m sure he wasn’t the first pup to throw up and I’m sure he won’t be the last. There was something quite special having both of my boys with me at dinner and breakfast in the hotel. I did feel pretty smug as they both behaved impeccably compared to the other canine guests.

Life has become more restrictive again in the final few months of the year. I haven’t been allowed to train at Loughborough’s world class athletics facilities throughout the pandemic. Instead I have been running at a local track that is far from luxurious. Nevertheless, I have been running. Running on a track. Running bends. Running pain free. I feel a tad of emotion just writing that. After getting injured in 2017 and subsequent knee surgery last year I always hoped but never truly knew that it would be possible for me to run again on the track. I genuinely treasure every step.

As the year draws to a close it is evident that 2020 has been very different. Personally it has caused me to reassess my values and what is important in life. We have to take the good from the bad and control what we can. Who knows what 2021 will bring…

Wishing everyone a happy and healthier new year.

British Cycling

It’s a sunny Saturday in September. The perfect opportunity to relax in the garden and reflect on my experience at the British Cycling talent ID weekend I attended last month.

We all know I am athletics obsessed. You only have to check who I follow on Twitter to learn I am an avid fan. Whilst injury has prevented me from competing in over 3 years, my commitment to the sport still remains.

Thus when British Cycling advertised their search for a female visually impaired stoker for the Tokyo Paralympics back in June, my immediate response was dismissive. For years people have been encouraging me to try cycling and for years I have whistled the same tune, ‘no I love athletics.’

Although initially reluctant to put myself forward, the amount of messages I received from different people urging me to go for it started to get my cogs whirling. I had nothing to lose, it didn’t mean I had to quit athletics, wouldn’t it be worth finally finding out if it was a sport that I could excel at. After all I have seen multiple athletes transition from athletics to cycling. There must be something good about it.

With gyms closed and no access to a bike it wasn’t as if I could prepare myself for the weekend as I would have liked. In truth during lockdown my motivation and ability to train was proving a challenge. Nevertheless, the prospect of the weekend marginally improved my drive to exercise.

Prior to the weekend I was informed there would be 3 bike tests. 3 x 6 second sprints, a 1 minute effort and a 3 minute effort. Being a sprinter I was looking forward to the 6 second sprints and the others not so much. Based on the results from the tests on the Sunday we would be split into 3 groups that would indicate if we had Tokyo potential, Paris potential or currently lacked potential. The thought of being placed in the final group somewhat terrified me. Despite having nothing to lose that result would be a slap in the face.

The talent ID weekend was being held in Manchester. Thankfully I didn’t need to arrive until the afternoon meaning it wasn’t a too early start. To give you some context, I have never been to a velodrome, never worn cycling shoes or ridden a turbo bike. This caused some apprehension. My mum travelled up with me and was soon ushered away to the stands leaving me alone with the British Cycling staff and the other hopefuls. Being left without direct support also unnerved me.

Various British Cycling people came over to chat and help me set up. However, as soon as they came over it wasn’t long before they disappeared again. I didn’t fully understand how the gears worked on the bike, the person helping me didn’t fully understand I couldn’t see when they told me to push the black leaver. I asked if they could sort the gears for me, I assumed they needed to be set on a specific setting anyway. I was left to warm up and was told after 5 minutes had past to pick up the speed. Not being able to see the timer of course I had no idea when it was time to change up and so just turned over gently.

For the actual test part we were all allocated an individual. For the 6 second sprints we had to go from a static start. I had no clue what position my pedals should be in to get the best start. On my first sprint the bike moved everywhere to my surprise. That kind of thing never happens with the bikes in the gym. My second sprint felt better and the power output reflected this. My final sprint was better again and my competitiveness that had been lying dormant for so long began to trigger. I vocalised that I could do so much more. This led them to letting me have a fourth attempt where I added another 40 odd to my power output. I could see my potential, I hoped they could too.

The person helping me with my bike clicked the gears for me before the 1 minute effort began. Fuelled up from the sprints I was ready to go all out. I was then stunned when I pushed down on the pedals to discover I could hardly turnover. The resistance was stupidly tough. I assumed everyone was on the same resistance and pushed on as best I could. The desire to stop was overwhelming. However, I knew not finishing the effort would be embarrassing. So I kept repeating to myself ‘don’t’ stop’. When I got off the bike my left knee was throbbing and I had some soreness near my right knee that when I got home I found was swollen. The effort had flared up an old injury and caused another with the 3 minute effort still to go.

I made it clear for the 3 minute attempt that I would not be having the resistance that high. Feelings of frustration flooded me. My legs were on fire. The 3 minute effort actually turned out to be a 3 minute 30 second effort. They take your best 3 minutes from the set time. I managed it relatively well but all things considered knew it wouldn’t be amazing. After the tests had been completed I learnt that the gears could have been set to whatever you wished. This infuriated me even more. As a totally blind person who had never used a turbo bike before it wasn’t explained to me enough how to set the gears and know what they were set on. It wasn’t made apparent before the tests that we could choose the setting. I thought for it to be fair everyone would have to be on the same setting.

I returned home that night and wasn’t enthusiastic about returning in the morning. I knew my ability hadn’t been showcased. My visual impairment hadn’t been understood. All of the females attending the talent ID weekend had a visual impairment but having no useful vision left me in a minority. In athletics there are 3 classifications for the visually impaired, in cycling the visually impaired are altogether.

It was an early start on Sunday to get back to Manchester. The only real reason I was returning was to cycle on the velodrome to say I have done it. It was becoming apparent that I was unlikely to continue with cycling in the future. All of the hopefuls were grouped together to find out which group they would be in. it was like waiting for the X Factor results. They decided to read out group A and B together first then we would be split again. Names started to be read out and I was relieved to hear mine. They had thankfully acknowledged I have some kind of potential.

For a moment I dared to believe that I would be put in group A. it quickly became obvious I hadn’t. in fact my name was bottom of the group B list. I don’t know if names were in any particular order yet it appeared I had just scraped through. I then had to sit and wait for hours before I was given 10 minutes on the velodrome with a pilot. I’m not going to lie I did enjoy my brief time on the back of the tandem. However, the vibes I was getting from the British Cycling staff told me blatantly that I was not on their radar for the future.

The following week I received a call from British Cycling confirming that they were not interested in me at this time. It was no surprise. I didn’t hesitate in providing my feedback when prompted. They did comment that my 6 second sprints ranked me quite highly. Initially following the weekend I was of the firm belief that me and cycling were done. Having time to think about it all the experience was extremely beneficial. It has reignited my competitive spirit. My heart still lies with athletics. Yet I am struggling to accept that British Cycling didn’t get to witness my capability. I want to prove I have potential, prove I can, prove them wrong.

18 visually impaired females attended the talent ID weekend. British Cycling have chosen 3 to progress to the next stage. It was brilliant to see so many visually impaired females participating in sport.

I'm Back

I just don’t understand myself sometimes. I set myself a challenge of writing 26 blog posts over 26 days and have no trouble in completing the task. In fact it reminds me how much I enjoy blogging and how beneficial I find it. So why have I failed to blog in over 3 months? I am a mystery to myself.

The last 3 months feel like a bit of a blur. The whole year is drifting by. Last month I celebrated my 32nd birthday. There is something reassuring about being an even number once more. We went for a family walk around Burbage Common in the morning. This was then followed by a trip to Fosse Shopping Park. It was the first day it had reopened after we had been put back in lockdown for a second time. It was my first visit to any kind of retail provider in months. Riley squealed with delight when we pulled up. The boy adores shopping. I didn’t actually buy anything and found I was afraid to touch items to inspect them. Continuing the first in a few months theme, I had a Chinese takeaway for dinner. In normal circumstances the day would have been classed as ordinary. However, we all know the new normal is so far removed from what was everyday life.

I am not going to ramble on too much in this post. I know what I want my next blog to be about and hope to bring it to you in less than 3 months’ time! I promise it will be more interesting than this post.

The Finish Line

Blog 26 – 2.6 Challenge – 26 blog posts over 26 days…

Hooray this is my final post for the 2.6 Challenge. The writing marathon has come to an end. It has been a good experience overall. I have managed to write about a lot of subjects that I have been meaning to for a long time. It has been interesting how on some days I planned to write about one topic but then the blog has evolved into something else. There were a few late nights that displeased me. However, it has proved to me that if I really want to blog about something I am able to make the time.

I am not sure how many people have actually read my posts. Though the one great thing about written text is that it is there to access at any point. I hope people have found the content varied and interesting. I mainly write for myself and if someone finds a post useful or entertaining it is a bonus. On some days I wasn’t sure what to write about, on others I found it hard to find the right words. Having a daily deadline meant I couldn’t keep redrafting and posts weren’t always as polished as I would have liked. Nevertheless, I made a commitment and stuck to it. I’m pretty proud of that. It has been some years since my blog was filled with so much content. Funnily there are still posts I wish to write.

According to my fundraising page I have raised £72.86 to date. I know when split 5 ways that isn’t much per charity. However, I have tried to do my bit. I’m super grateful to everyone who has supported this challenge and donated. If you are stumbling across this post a few weeks or few months on, there might still be time to donate as fundraising pages stay open for a while afterwards. Every donation I receive makes me smile and means a lot to my chosen charities.

I took part in the 2.6 Challenge to help save our UK charities. If you enjoyed my blog posts or are feeling generous please consider donating as little as £1 to support my chosen charities: The Norrie Disease Foundation, Guide Dogs for the Blind, Look UK, RNIB and Girl Guiding UK. You can find my fundraising page by clicking here

Thank you and stay safe x

I See

Blog 25 – 2.6 Challenge – 26 blog posts over 26 days…

Even though I can’t see, I can see. I can see the past so vividly. It astonishes me how clearly I can recollect the past. I don’t just recall the basics like colours, I know details. For example, I can remember certain images and patterns on my clothes. I can picture characters from cartoons, such as Gus from Recess and Tommy from the Rugrats. I can see the shape of Gus’s glasses and how his trousers are too short thus exposing his socks. My mind’s eye can view Tommy’s bald head, the blue of his t-shirt and how he stands with bowed legs. As a child I never consciously stored these images, yet they are there for me to access on demand.

In the present I can see. I imagine my surroundings constantly. When I go for a walk and a car passes me by I give it a make and a colour. When I use a controlled crossing I picture the capital letters of ‘wait’ highlight itself after I have pressed the button. At home in my kitchen I envisage my red appliances; kettle, microwave and toaster. I still look at myself in the mirror. I visualise my reflection, how my hair falls, how my facial features look.

In my dreams I can see. Rarely am I blind and if I am I can still watch the dream play out in pictures. Every night my brain constructs lavish landscapes and intricate scenes. I have the ability to freely access my dream world. I wander around oblivious to my visual impairment.

In reality I cannot see. Wave your hand in front of my face and I will just feel the breeze it creates. Exit a room without a word and I will believe you are still sharing my space. Many people assume that the blind live in darkness. I can confirm that we live in pictures.

I am taking part in the 2.6 Challenge to help save our UK charities. If you enjoyed my blog post or are feeling generous please consider donating as little as £1 to support my chosen charities: The Norrie Disease Foundation, Guide Dogs for the Blind, Look UK, RNIB and Girl Guiding UK. You can find my fundraising page by clicking here

Thank you and stay safe x

Plant Power

Blog 24 – 2.6 Challenge – 26 blog posts over 26 days…

After having writer’s block a couple of days ago I’m going to try writing about food again.

Food, it fuels the body. Without it survival is impossible. In the last few years my food habits have shifted. Due to being Muslim I have never eaten meat from a pig. In general I have never been a massive meat eater. This might sound silly but I don’t like chewing. I am certain I have weakened teeth from having a brace in my teens. Anyway, when I did eat meat I would tend to go for chicken. I found it less greasy. As an adult I have always been keen on fish. I’m quite the health addict and can’t ignore the benefits that fishy oils claim to have.

My partner is vegan and has been for many years. Before it got trendy. Since being together not once have I considered joining him despite him being the perfect advert. For those who have watched The Game Changers on Netflix you will know that veganism is meant to have a whole host of health benefits. My partner displays them all. For some reason it isn’t enough to convince me.

I can’t see myself eating meat again as my mind won’t disconnect from where it comes from. For now I am able to justify eating fish. I don’t know when it officially happened but I identify as being pescatarian. I eat seafood in what otherwise is a vegetarian diet.

Saying this I mainly eat a plant based diet as it is easier to eat the same lunch and dinner as my partner. Veganism is rapidly expanding and it is nice to try new foods. People often used to say what do vegans eat? The answer is that they eat practically everything only in vegan form. Vegan lasagne, vegan kebab and vegan chilli are some of our favourite dishes. A couple of weeks ago we created our own vegan afternoon tea complete with sweet scones with a choice of jam and cream, a variety of sandwiches and a selection of desserts. It was yummy.

I urge everyone to broaden their taste buds and give plant based food a go. Try something new, something different, something ethical. By all means still eat what you enjoy. I have no intention of committing to a vegan diet so I don’t expect anyone else to.

I am taking part in the 2.6 Challenge to help save our UK charities. If you enjoyed my blog post or are feeling generous please consider donating as little as £1 to support my chosen charities: The Norrie Disease Foundation, Guide Dogs for the Blind, Look UK, RNIB and Girl Guiding UK. You can find my fundraising page by clicking here

Thank you and stay safe x